Posted , 18 users are following.
I don't have anything wrong with me on the autistic spectrum. However, as the title says, my boyfriend does. Now, I also have anxiety and depression (recently diagnosed and I just started medication) so some of his antics have been grating on me. We are both freshmen in college and our first breakup scare did traumatize me in a way. He was unsure of our relationship at the time. And I guess I have been more obsessive about him than I'd like to admit and I think it was because he was like some sort of narcotic for my current issue and so I spent more time with him because I felt so happy with him around. So while I was still in this infatuation state, I for the most part tolerated a lot of his antics but at the time, everything he did was okay, even his playful insults. I was in that state where everything about him was purely wonderful. After our first break up scare, he basically consumed my mind for a month because I clung to him even more to the point of where I wasn't even able to function because all I would think about was him because of my awful anxiety. I didn't even stop to think about having me time a lot and my homework ended up getting neglected. However, with he and I being human, getting sick of him was inevitable: the playful insults, repetative jokes, his tendency to take over every conversation, forcing his ideas (and not always considering mine), egotistic remarks, and his obsession over superheroes, warframe, spongebob, and other things got to me. It's just a miracle that it took five months for me to actually get sick of it but I guess five-six months together means that we're still new. I'm panicking over my confused feelings of loving him but also getting irritated with him at the same time, which I'm told is a normal stage in a relationship. However, I'm currently working on fixing myself while putting my relationship on the back burner but my old habits do tend to interrupt me. Oh geez, I'm rambling. I might as well get to the point: I've come here for advice. I desperately don't want to break up with him but at the same time, I know that if I can't be happy with him, then there's no point in polishing crap. However, I do love him, it's just gotten hard and there are sometimes where the strain of having a relationship makes me feel that I can't do this anymore and some of his antics don't help. But I still hold on because while I may no longer be in that dreamy state, I still care for him too much to let him go. So I feel that since the majority of you guys probably know how to deal with aspergers better than I do, some advice would be much appreciated. I know one thing though: I probably need space and time to work on homework and myself more than anything at the moment. Basically: I need to pick myself up again. I'm also nervous that he might have gotten too used to me being so willing and may not entirely understand this change in me when I actually don't want to do or talk about some of the things we used to do together because they now sicken me. He got out of the infatuation stage sooner than I did. He's a nice guy, very loving, will talk to me about anything, and I couldn't have asked for anything better in a boyfriend but it's sometimes hard. Please help. I really want us to work out through the better or worst. I have talked to him about this but all he really said was 'let love do the talking' and 'I won't force you to stay with me if you're not happy and you shouldn't force yourself either'. But I do love him and everything, I'm just going through a new stage in our relationship where I realized that I won't always be completely happy with him. We're both in our first relationship though and we're still figuring things out but I believe it's worth a fighting chance and as much effort as any relationship should be. I'm NOT going to break up with him just because of confusion and the fact that I got sick of him for the first time. He's worth more than that... Yet, I also need to fix myself before I fix this. Note: don't worry, he's fine. He doesn't have any resentment or anger towards me. He's been very good and understanding and supportive about the whole thing. He's been very good and will still take me in his arms for comfort. I think he'll still be understanding but I'm just... scared. But, I hold onto the fact that he still loves me. Again, I'm asking for advice about him. I already know what I need to do for myself but I never tried understanding his disorder until now. So, let me have it: tell me what I need to know so I can better this relationship. It'll make things easier for both of us I'm sure.
2 likes, 16 replies