Perimenopause or detached from life

Posted , 150 users are following.

I feel like that batty cat lady from the Simpsons - I feel like I LOOK mad, and I am unravelling mentally and physically.

I'm 49 and have been going through the peri-menopause for a couple of years. First my periods were horribly clotty and heavy and every three weeks, now in the last six-nine months they've got further apart and lighter.

But it's how I feel that's so weird. I am shaky, anxious, when I'm talking to people I'm trying to think what expression I should be wearing on my face. I feel tired but not sleepy, like as if all my energy has been sucked out of me and all I want to do is sit down. Everything seems like too much effort and I am not enjoying life when I feel like this. Some days I feel great, but there are too many days like this now.

If anybody I know is going through a hard time, I've always been THE most supportive person, but lately it just makes me anxious because I feel I'm being sapped of what little strength I have left. I avoid people, especially high maintenance people.

I'm trying to force myself to take a shower now. I love being clean and having freshly washed hair, but even that's too much. My roots need doing but I can't be bothered. And I don't even feel human, let alone like a woman. I feel like I'm drifting away from friends, like I have nothing to bring to the table when it comes to being good company.

And I wonder if anybody has any experience of whether diet helps. I felt really good last week and I was eating well - could it be as simple as that? I've had a weekend of too many carbs and a curry this weekend.

Scrange x

26 likes, 359 replies

359 Replies

  • Posted


    Yes i know what you mean, im 49 and its been going on for a year and a half. Started with erratic periods, then first heart rate episodes, then hot and cold, periods were absent for 3 months then heavy for 6 weeks. Then the anxiety started but i think thats made worse by being away from my partner. Dont have much energy, have just started hrt in the hope it will change things. I got acid reflux, my god the lists endless, tried changing to a more soya diet. Havent really tried much else, from reading these forums it seems its hitty missy as what works for some people. My job is also a 24 hour one at times so thats exhausting too, i never in my worst nightmares thought i was going to have to go through this just because of periods.But it is helpful to read these messages just to know that we are not alone.

  • Posted

    That's exactly how I am feeling as well it is horrible and I am also trying to find something that can make me to feel better I am in dire straits over this and also feel like i am never going to feel good again I have this strange head feeling and like I have to fight to keep my self upright and this shaky legs , I know what you are going true it's really bad
  • Posted

    Hi Scrangelina

    yep thats peri .... and what a great description, and i can confirm thats me aswell, I am aged 49 and in almost year 9 of perimenopause...

    diet is always good, ie, a good diet, but I do not think it helps with the way you feel. not for me anyway.. i can totally relate to the not wanting to do a thing, i am abit like that today, I have to push myself, and then when I have I feel a buzz of contentment that I did push myself and then actually enjoyed the task in hand, and I smile as me too am the cleanest person and i actually have stopped obsessing over washing my hair as often as I use too, and i too look at my roots some times and then think, Sigh.... oh they will be okay for another few days... wow I really connected to what to said...

    right now, I have been putting off doing a little job outside ( I live in Spain) and my mind is dealing with it hahahahahaha, I am thinking ... I will do it in a bit ( as then I will be pleased I did) but havent actually got to that push yet) most days I am fine, and others very sluggish and after being very very active the sluggish days are very frustrating... anxiety and feelings of dread are the worst for me....

    take care Jay xx

    • Posted

      Hi Jayneejay,   its a long time since your post but some of your comments struck a chord with me and I wonder how you are getting on now?   I am a 51 year old misfit, I feel totally out of control, I am anxious most of the time, irratible and very sad at times for no apparent reason.   I had a hysterectomy 10 years ago so my periods stopped then but I still have my ovaries and I know I am mid-menopause.   I don't want to do HRT, - too many horror stories about how it is harvested from perpetually pregnant mares kept in shameful conditions and the thousands of foals that are slaughtered at birth.  After living an active outdoor kind of life I find myself procrastinating about the smallest job and sometimes I know something needs doing but I don't know how to start it anymore.  The lights are on but there is noone home.  Most of the time I just want to go to bed, alone.  The rest of the time I am worrying that I should be doing something.   What the heck is going on?  Hope you are coping.

    • Posted


      I'm glad you  posted because I didn't know other woman felt exactly how I do. I feel worthless!  I didn't know what I'm feeling could be related to perimenopause. I thought it was all in my mind. I'm thinking, what is wrong with me?  Doing the smallest tasks seem so great. I used to do so much, work, take care of my three boys, my house, my pets, work on projects. I'm tired all the time. If I go to lunch with friends, I have to take a nap when I get home.  I don't even want to shower, and wash dishes every 2 or 3 days. I feel disgusted with myself. I've been praying. Maybe that's why I found this post. What a relief to know I'm not alone, because I didn't even know why I was living. 

    • Posted


      As i was reading your message i got teary eyed. It is exacly how i have been feeling. I will be 43 in Feb. I use to have so much energy and enthusiasm to do everything. 

      I have two girls 10 and 6 years old whom are my life. But its a daily struggle Now to keep going in a possitive way for them. I have so many symptoms from health anxiety to depression. Irregular periods, chest discomfort, joint aches, back ache ect. The list is so long. It is so hard to believe that all of these are from perimenapause. It is just debilitating. 

    • Posted

      Hi Jeannie1515

      Thank you so much for your post Im -52 just went through menopause. Im single, with grown children and almost 10 grand children, I feel that I have no reason in this world to be unhappy and yet I still feel like there's something missing and I'm not sure what it is. I have gotten to the point I like you have here I don't even want to get up and shower or dye my hair or really do too much of anything everything that I do is a big effort

      Im glad to know there are other women out there like me.

    • Posted

      Jeannie, I hope you find my other post I made earlier. I posted all about everything I’ve tried to get better. I hope it helps you. 
    • Posted

      Hi Jeannie,

      I started perimenapause about 4 months ago I feel sick every day I wake up with achs pains fatigue lathargic tired about a month ago I started having headache ear ach neck pain on my right side I don't know how to handle this I feel like this has taken a big toll of my life, do you have any suggestions please anything can help.

    • Posted

      hi im 44 years old,my first sighns of peri begin when i was 40,i bled for a whole year non stop going threw hell finaly went to a gino and went for an amblation and then the axiety starts so badly cant even go to a mall alone,always tired not sleepy but out of energy now its the hot flashes coming more and more joint paint dizzyness more like im gonne fall over and the list go on i dont even bother going to a doctor because the last time all she said was o you are far to young for peri and want to put me on depression pills well i toss that paper in the trash i dont need more side affects from pills and my peri symptoms i was ones so full of energy lots of enery and its gone i have my good days than im so exited i wanne do everything and then the bad days more bad then good days.i miss my old self that make me depressed,im a people person but lately its to much for me.i did change my diet now and drink more water for the past 3 weeks see how that goes and im again late with my period almost 2 months so if thats not peri than i dont glad for this site to talk to someone because when i talk to friends and family they always just look at me like i need some attension or something so now i just keep it to myself.
    • Posted

      HI I am 42 and I feel the same... 

      doc told me also I was to young for premenopausal 

      Started 6 months ago  feeling dizzy, rapid heart rate, anxiety ,irritable, very moody. Had the bar in my arm since my son was born 5 years ago so so period since, had it removed over a month ago and still no period. 

      It has got me thinking more and more about been premenopausal.. I have now joint pains and slight annoying headache.. I wish I can just feel normal.. I still feel shaky and can cry for no reason.. I have bound to talk to. 

    • Posted

      Hi, I’m so sorry to hear, yet, another woman going through this awful illness! Whether it’s through menopause or anxiety itself, or both.... either way, it’s not easy! I myself since last posting this, have been without a period now since October! And have since had blood work done that finally states, post menopause! So doctor said that if he was to check hormones now, it would be even lower! He prescribed some estrogen for me to take if I wanted to! Do I have prescription on hand, just in case! As for your joint pain and the rest of your symptoms! I had it during peri, and it was awful! But the good news is, once you approach the post, it subsides! As I’ve stated in past, there are days I felt like I was going mad, and still do, depending on the day! I’ve been staying away from all caffeine, which includes chocolate, but when I began doing it, I had to wean my way! It was like having withdrawals! Don’t ever feel ashamed of talking about this illness! And if anyone says that you are just looking for attention! let them walk a mile on your shoes! Comment any time! I’ll respond take care 
    • Posted

      Hi Kim

      I started perimenapause about 6 months ago I have all these crazy symptoms muscle pain around my body constant brain fog blurry vision feel like I'm lathargic get dizzy sometimes done so many test I was wondering does it get better why all these symptoms and if any can share there symptoms 

    • Posted

      Maggie! I have pain just about everywhere in my body! It’s awful! I find that when I get a weird pain or symptom of some sort, my anxiety cuts in and it gives me more anxiety! There are times that I swear I have a feeling on my chest as though my heart is stopped! Panic attacks waking me from my sleep where I can’t breath or swallow! It’s as though I’ve forgotten how to do either! Scary! No energy whatsoever! One person said it on here at best! If and when she’d get a good day, she would try to do everything in that one day, because she didn’t know when that day would come again ! Just remember your not alone! Hang in there! 
    • Posted

      I am 55 and just reached menopause.  The anxiety and sadness I have are horrible.  I get up in the morning and really just want to cry. I have weird thoughts about health and families health ( which I have never had before). I do not want to go out yet being home makes me more depressed ( I always loved being at home). I look forward to nothing.  I don’t want to see anyone.  

      Does anyone know once you’ve reached menopause when you will start feeling better?

    • Posted

      Jaqueline, I registered to reply to your post which absolutely resonates with me.

      Suspect the sickness and headache one side and fatigue  could be non-aura hormonal  related migraine . I've suffered a lot from these since perimenopause- never before so it took me a while and a good GP and an audiology test to figure it out  and diagnose it for me.

      What helps?

      Water, shed loads of it, every day

      Not going Hungary - eating  every 90 mins


      Resting when it gets too bad


      Feverfew (herbal) possibly and most of all:

      A bio identical progesterone cream called "serenity cream" which had been the biggest help.

      Hope this helps a bit.

      I understand so much where everyone posting  is coming from - strange change times, unchartered waters and not for the feint hearted.

      I hear it gets better!


    • Posted

      Hello there, I believe i am approaching, or in peri-menopause and was talking to an older friend about my symptoms. She told me that she felt low for a few years as she approached menopause, but now she's through it, she had noticed she feels happier again.

      I hope that helps

    • Posted

      Hi, so you've made it to the other side? Glad to know it gets better. The joint muscular issues are awful. I feel like a slug. I've tried every option available with the exception of anti depressents. I'm not depressed. However the lack of being able to physically do what I'm accustomed to doing can drag me down. My brain has lost it's clearity. Does that come back?

      I'm currently trying acupuncture and some Chinese herbs. Did you try that?

      The anxiety is maddening too.

      I get about 1 good week per cycle and like another gal said you try to do all you can during that phase because you don't know how long it's going to last.

      I'm almost 52 and still getting cycles every 28 days.

      Any suggestions?

      Thank for sharing

    • Posted

      i am like you and now in menopause no period for over a year how about you? debi


    • Posted

      i am like you and now in menopause no period for over a year how about you? debi


    • Posted

      Haven't had one in over 4 or 5 months but I'm actually glad I'm getting it over with early at 49 just hope I don't start to grow hair in my ears or something crazy, but I just wish the hot flashes would end, I'm not taking no estrogen or the other my mother never took any of that and she was fine so I figure I'm not bothering with that either. Good luck to you😞

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